What Is Love? Dismantle Ideas for an Authentic Experience of Love

‘What is love!? Baby don’t hurt me no more! like Haddaway’s pop dance song goes. Haha, if you know the song, you’re probably listening to it in your head right now.

Love never really hurts, but it’s our ideas about love that ultimately hurt us.

Let’s see if we can dismantle these ideas and notions to open the way to a more authentic experience. But don’t take these words for that, see what you recognize in your own life.

Ideals

Growing up, they sell us so many ideas about what love means and how it should be. Such a strong need and desire is love that Disney, Hollywood, Hallmark, the diamond industry, and so many others have all struggled onlyfans free trial 
to corner the market. Before them, it was religions that dictated how love should operate.

From what we have learned, we only love and accept love according to our ideals. It has to fit perfectly into our romantic package.

But we didn’t come up with these ideas, we borrow them from the media and consumer industries, from religions and heritage, from comparisons and evaluations of other people’s stories and how we imagine our life should be.

If we have ever experienced love in any way, we try to recreate that experience of love, evaluating our current life with those old memories.

With these notions about love, we fight against the world, constantly searching for our ideal.

But compared to ideals and memories, love as it is in the moment has no chance to breathe.

Contracts

Somehow, we can find our special loves, those specific people, pets, things, and activities that we know we love. We agree that we love those who are familiar to us, but we do not love those who are not. Through the familiar, our love becomes hijacked. This love for what is special to us leads to our attachments and despair when what we are attached to does not suit our needs … or is simply not there.

We are so interested in protecting and securing our love that we draft contracts. ‘I will love you, but only if you love me and agree to live up to my standards of love.’ So we try to bottle the love, making it available when and how we want it. ‘Look at this contract, you’ve already agreed to love me, so go ahead, show me love. I already loved you last week.

Kidnapped and attached, love has no room to grow and flourish as it would naturally.

Afraid

With all these rules and restrictions, it is as if we are afraid of love.

We would rather control their cunning and unpredictable ways than lose control of ourselves.

Lack of control comes when we think that the cause of love is outside of us. From this perspective, we are constantly trying to stay in control, make love happen of our own free will, recreate love from the familiar, or find our ideal experience somewhere in the world.

But as we’ve just examined, maybe, just maybe, it’s our ideas, attachments, and rules of love that we need to be careful of.

Immediacy

Have you ever been fascinated by someone, something or an activity? So much so that you momentarily lose track of time? An experience that simply dominates you, that surpasses you: the idea of ​​someone you love, the sight of a sunset, the immensity of the ocean, the joy of a puppy, the laughter of children, getting lost in music or in creation . In that moment, that visceral experience is the spark of love.

Now as soon as you label it, or try to describe it, it’s just a memory, an idea. And love, being alive, does not reside in our memories, in the past, in our notions or ideas.